Let me go
by Yhoretta
Summary: The Doctor is missing Sarah Jane and decides to pay a visit, just to see how things are going...from a distance. After the first failed attempt to watch his best friend the Doctor tries once more. Will he keep his self-made promise of letting her get on with her life? Or will Sarah Jane be stuck waiting for her Time Lord forever?. Only time may tell.
1. In the bushes

_Camberwell. England. Earth. 1985. Sarah Jane's side._

"Mistress," chirped K9 from under the coffee table.

"Yes K9? What is it now?" moaned Sarah Jane, lolling further back on her chair. It was the sort of furniture one would sit on if they were enjoying a peaceful nap or drinking tea. Since Sarah neither had tea nor peace it felt a little out of place to be sitting in.

"Alien presence detected within proximity," he continued, his "ears" spinning happily.

"Oh _really_?" asked Sarah Jane sarcastically. "I understand that I should have believed you when That time...thing, took me to the death zone but just yesterday you said you 'detected an alien presence' which turned out to be nothing more than a butterfly!"

"It was an...understandable error," sulked the metal dog.

Sarah got up and knelt beside K9, rubbing his neck fondly. She could never stay mad at the little thing, especially not something that managed to constantly remind her of the life she'd once had. K9 kept her from forgetting it all. From waking up one morning and thinking it was all a dream. A fantasy.

"Not to worry boy, we all make mistakes," whispered Sarah Jane. The moment she finally stood up there was a loud crash from outside that sounded like something, or some_one_, had fallen in the bushes.

"Hello? Who's there?" exclaimed Miss Smith, throwing open the door and peering out. Her expert-eyes scanned the scene. There was indeed a large dent in the lush, green hedges but nothing to be seen.

"K9, still getting that alien reading?" hissed Sarah through the crack of the entrance.

"Affirmative."

Sarah Jane brushed back a strand of brown hair behind her hair and crouched beside the bushes. She didn't care if her most comfortable, grey pants were spoiled by dirt or even if her loose, blue singlet was torn. Her mind was set on one thing.

"Doctor, are you there?"

No answer.

"Right, I should have known it was a long-shot anyway," sighed Sarah Jane. A tear forced its way to the corner of her eye, threatening to fall. A flash of white inside the natural green caught her attention. It was a hat. A _cricket _hat.

_Camberwell. England. Earth. 1985. The Doctor's side._

He stepped out of the TARDIS, gazing at her house. Sarah Jane's house. It was only going to be a quick visit, just to see how she was...from a distance. The Doctor could see her through the window, talking to K9. He couldn't help but smile at the fact that she still had him, still cared.

"...which turned out to be nothing more than a butterfly!" came the muffled voice of Sarah through the glass, The Timelord sneaked across the street and pressed himself against the side of her house. He took off his hat and held it fondly to his chest. It wasn't something he made a habit of wearing too often but today felt like a day he should, not that Sarah Jane would be seeing him anyway.

"Maybe I could just say 'Hello' to her," pondered the Doctor. He nodded his head and took a step forward. Instantly his cricket-pants caught on a thorn of the bush and he came tumbling down into the branches and leaves.

"Clumsy old fool!" the Doctor reprimanded himself, cursing colourfully in several different languages.

"Hello? Who's there?"

The Timelord picked himself up and ran, hiding behind the wall of the house. His chest heaved frantically. She had almost seen him.

He waited while she talked to K9. Suddenly his hands clutched at his chest.

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I've left my hat," hissed The Doctor.

"Doctor, are you there?"

It took every ounce of darkness within his mind to ignore her. The feeling was so despicable that The blonde alien nearly threw his head against the brick wall in anguish.

"...it was a long shot anyway."

He clung to the side of the house, not trusting himself to breath; for fear that if he opened his mouth he would cry out for her. Sarah Jane went back inside, taking the hat with her.

The Doctor inched around the house again to see Sarah Jane sitting crossed legged on a comfy-looking chair while K9 scanned her finding. The little dog said something, its head moving up and down accordingly. The Doctor's hearts shattered as he saw the look of pure and absolute joy splash across Sarah's face. Her eyes opened wide with happiness and she clutched the hat to her cheek.

"No!" cried The Timelord. "You were supposed to let go of me."

Sarah Jane looked through the window, straight at the spot he had been in just a second before. The Doctor finally crawled out of the bushes when she averted her gaze to K9, still holding the hat in her small hands.

"I'll...come back for it," he Sighed, slumping off to the TARDIS. Those ancient, sad eyes looked back at Sarah. His best friend. His everything. It was at that moment a strangely comforting Earth saying popped into his mind:

_If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it does not come back, than it was never meant to be._

He closed the doors.


	2. Encounter at the supermarket

_A supermarket. Somewhere. Earth. 1986. Sarah Jane's side._

Sarah pushed her trolley along thoughtfully. Shopping for groceries was such a mundane task, she missed the ever-present convenience of the TARDIS; and even when buying food became necessary, The Doctor always made it fun. She wondered what he would do as she passed the soup aisle. He'd probably start rambling on about how many different _types_ of soup there were in the universe. Which ones were poisonous, which ones tasted bad, and which ones made your tongue turn purple. It had been years since she'd been dropped off by her white-haired Doctor after the incident on Gallifrey, and even longer since her scarf-wearing version had last said goodbye.

"What's troubling you?" asked a man. She turned, realizing she had been mumbling under her breath about soup and far-off planets. The fellow was young-ish, maybe in his mid-thirties or early forties. He had dark curls of hair that felt both comforting and familiar. His eyes were soft and kind, looking directly at her without any of the awkwardness one felt with a stranger. The clothes were a little weird, a long velvet jacket and a green shirt coupled with a tucked in necktie and a pocket watch. But on him, it worked.

"Oh...nothing, I'm fine thanks!" replied Sarah Jane. "Just remembering someone, I suppose. Trying not to let go."

"Aren't we all?" sighed the man. He spun his trolley around and began to walk in time with Sarah as she headed towards the bread on the opposite side of the supermarket, not taking a single can of soup.

"Nice hat," observed the stranger, pointing to the cream-coloured accessory that sat rather lopsidedly atop Miss Smith's head.

"Thanks, It's a friend's, but I like it," she said.

"Yes, as do I."

They steered their carts in silence for a while. Both seemed to be contemplating something different but neither saying anything. Sarah Jane swerved into the wine aisle, cutting off the man. She wanted to see if he was indeed following her. Sure enough he appeared a few seconds later, trailing behind her with his trolley. The rickety thing seemed to be filled completely with bunches of yellow bananas and tubs of multi-flavour ice cream. Balanced on the top was a birthday card with a picture of a cartoon star, saying something cheesy and ridiculous.

"You know," began the stranger. He pulled up in front of Sarah Jane, cutting _her_ off this time. "When we're missing someone, even though we have to let go, it's nice to spend a little time thinking about them. Remembering. You're not crazy."

"I never said I was," snapped Sarah.

"But you were thinking it, weren't you?" replied the man. He moved his trolley out of her way and allowed her to pass. She stayed still.

"Who are you?" whispered Sarah Jane. The stranger sighed heavily, lifting up the birthday card and dropping it into her cart. He smiled and walked away. The trolley was left behind.

Miss Smith's careful hands turned over the card and looked inside:

_Happy Birthday Sarah Jane_

No signature, no note. Nothing else. Now she knew exactly who it was from.

"DOCTOR," she yelled as the man stepped out of the isle. His footsteps froze but he did not come back.

"Just...stay in touch, please. For me," whispered Sarah. She knew he had somehow heard her. The footsteps picked up as her best friend left once again.


	3. A letter in Egypt

_Tardis. Floating through space. The Doctor's side._

He scratched the quill across the fresh piece of paper. His expert fingers dipped the end of the feather in the awaiting pot of ink and continued to write in his messy scrawl. On the other side of the Doctor's oak desk was a pile of scrapped letters, all addressed to Sarah Jane Smith.

He quickly crumpled his latest attempt and threw it on the heap as yet another sentence felt wrong to him. It had to be perfect. He wanted nothing more than to drag Sarah back into the TARDIS and welcome her with open arms. The cold, hard, fact was that he truly needed her to let him go.

_But how could he ask her to do such a thing if he himself could not?_

The Doctor eventually settled on a letter that felt adequately sendable. He slipped it in an envelope and sealed it with a kiss, sending the TARDIS hurtling towards Earth, towards the location of Sarah Jane Smith.

_The Sphinx. Egypt. Earth. 1987. Sarah Jane's side._

"Miss Smith," called the tour guide.

"Not now Abasi. I'm taking pictures of the monument," replied Sarah, pointing at the giant Sphinx and holding up her camera. "Besides, you said the group was allowed to stop and look around."

"It's not that," said Abasi. He broke through the small crowd of tourists and tapped the woman's shoulder, his dark skin glistening with sweat under the desert sun.

"What is it then?"

"A strange man with curly hair just came by and gave me this letter. He said it was for you."

Sarah Jane instantly dropped her camera and stood up to meet Abasi's eyes. She took the letter with a rushed "thank you," and frantically-but gently- tore it open. The inside was soft, as if the paper was brand new. She recognized the handwriting despite how much the hand had changed and how long it had been.

"Doctor, are you still here?" hissed Sarah, ignoring the strange looks she was acquiring from the group. Deflated, she began to read in hopes that completing the letter may bring him back.

_My Dearest friend. It has been a while. For you just under a year has passed since we met again in the supermarket, but for me it has been noticeably longer... I wish it were easier to say goodbye to you._

_Our travels were always the best. We thought they would go on forever. Yet here you are on Earth and it has been many years, It is time that I stop visiting you and let you get on with your life. You don't need me and you never have Sarah. I will however keep in touch as silently promised. These letters will be my lifeline to you, my best friend. I am getting hypocritical in my old age am I not? You would have laughed at that I'm sure._

_I must quickly bring this to an end however. Just yesterday I was summoned by Gallifrey and it is getting much harder to resist. Something big is happening and I have to go. Do not fear for me, I will always be here for you Sarah Jane Smith._

_For now, please, let me go._

Sarah Jane took the letter with her back to England, settling into her home in Camberwell once more. Waiting for a visit that never came.

Not for a while anyway…


	4. The stranger and the swings

_13 Bannerman Rd. England. Earth. 1995. Sarah Jane's side._

The phone buzzed angrily, screaming for the call's recipient who was refusing to pick up. It rung again. And again. Eventually whoever was on the other end simply gave up and dropped whatever it was they had wanted to say.

Sarah Jane Smith slugged down the stairs in her robe and collapsed on the extremely comfortable couch in the living room. It wasn't that she was tired at all, but that she had been grieving. For a long time. After crying into the cream-coloured pillows for a while she checked the phone to see who had called. It was her work, again. Probably telling her to come in or she'd get the sack. Sarah Jane couldn't care less anymore.

It had been a little under 8 years since the Doctor had left his message. There had been nothing else in all that time. Whatever was happening on Gallifrey had stopped him from coming back. She was certain he had died.

"I wish K9 could still speak," moaned Sarah into the soft fabric of her robe. The metal dog would have been a world of comfort if only he weren't so deteriorated. She imagined what the silly little thing would have said to her when she asked him for help. Most likely something that was the complete _opposite_ of useful. Still, it was nice when he was around.

Sarah Jane decided to peel herself off the sofa and take a shower, allowing the refreshing, hot water to pour over her pained body. After she was dressed and decent Sarah found her legs carrying her to the park. It was a long walk but the cheery summer day was a just reward for someone who carried so much sorrow in their heart.

The lush, green grass of the park was a beautiful sight. It swirled around ancient trees that poked out in the corners of the expanse and provided shelter from the sun for a few happy couples. Sarah took refuge on one of the child's swing sets and began idly pushing herself, ignoring the looks she was getting from the parents who were sitting around, eating food, being normal.

Suddenly a man with large ears, a leather jacket and short-cropped black hair sat beside her on the extra swing. His eyes were blistering, as if he had seen horrible things and their images still burned in his mind. Sarah Jane wanted to comfort him, but knew that she wasn't strong enough to pretend that all was well for herself.

The man glanced up at her, his burning eyes melting ever-so-slightly and his face softening.

Sarah kicked the swing higher. She let the wind take her as -for just a moment- it felt like flying. A smile tugged at the stranger's lips. He too began to push himself higher and higher on the swing until they were both zooming through the air in unison. Sarah Jane's perch began to wobble, twisting out of control and bending towards the stranger. She instinctively grasped his hand to steady herself.

"You seem sad," observed the man, releasing her hand as the swings got back into their stride.

"As do you my friend," said Sarah nonchalantly.

"Well, whatever it is that's bothering you...It shouldn't stop you from living your life."

"It-It isn't. I'm just, taking a break," replied Sarah Jane. Even on her own lips it felt like a lame excuse.

"Is it a friend? A family member?" asked the stranger.

"In a way, he was both."

"I'm sure he would have wanted you to continue on with your life. To move on."

"But how can I? Do you know what it's like to lose the one person you thought would always be there? To never be able to talk to them again?"

"Yes. I do, but unlike you I do not have such a strong will. It is hard to let go."

The stranger dug his feet into the dirt and brought his swing to a halt. Sarah Jane stopped hers as well, waiting to hear the rest of his speech.

"This really is a lovely planet," he continued. "You should enjoy it, make it better, save the day. There's no reason to be hiding out, trying to escape life. Embrace it. Or else it will be gone before you can say 'oops, I've waited to long.'"

Sarah Jane nodded. She understood completely. If the Doctor really was dead then the least she could do was uphold his memory and live on in his footsteps. Maybe one day she'd see him again after all was said and done. But for now it was good enough to be alive.

"What's going to happen to you?" asked Sarah. The man's eyes were heavy with the weight of a thousand sleepless nights, his face was harsh and angry. He looked like he had hurt people and would do so again. She was genuinely worried for him.

"Forget me Sarah Jane," whispered the stranger, stepping up close to her, looking down into her soft brown eyes. He pressed his lips against hers. Their touch made for one another. The Doctor finally pulled away, a faint golden glow in his cheeks, the same as in Sarah's. She fell to the ground unconscious.

"You'll remember our travels," said The man. "You will remember the waiting and the despair. This I cannot take away from you. But today we did not meet. I never wanted you to see me like this. Goodbye Sarah Jane Smith."

The next morning when Sarah woke up on the dirt, unmoved by anyone in the park, she brushed her fingers against her lips. There was a strange tingling sensation and a heat in her face, but nothing else would resurface from that night. Only two words remained. They played over and over again in her head. A reminder that stuck with her all day, getting across a message from an old friend:

_Let me go _


End file.
